A butler begins his day early

I woke up at 12:30 today, then slept from 2 - 5pm  -_-

Holidays are here, and while I'm loving the absence of work and annoying groups of people and teachers, things are REALLY boring. T_T I know I prattle on about how much I wish school to be gone, but all this time at home is killing me; nothing to do but lie in bed and make my headache worse. I tried to start some of my holiday homework, but the 4 practice maths exams I pronted at school (not printing here, total of like 100 pages) turns out I left them at school. And last week I had my USB in my computer and it DECIDED TO DISAPPEAR ugh, and now I don't have my IT revision tables, which I had nearly completed, close to 1000 words each table (three to do) and hell if I'm starting those again.

So the last few days I've been readin my new manga, finishing off watching Law Of Ueki (amazing anime, check it out) watching Benidorm (british comedy) and watching some of my Studio Ghibli collection.

oh, be back, dinner

...

and it just occured to me I didn't need to type that...

Anyways, there's not going to be much going on for a while, since after these eventless holidays will be trial exams then mass amounts of study, so how about you choose what I write about next:

• Review - game, book, movie...
• Info on some of my own prjects, game creation or music
• Band/song review
• or something anyone else can think of.

I'll leave that with you.

Signing out,

~Nattoons

________________
"I am the butler of the Phantomhive family.
It goes without saying I can manage something as trivial as this."
- Sebastian, Black Butler, volume II

Back From The Dead

Omigosh I am so very nearly finished my project for VCaD, I'm designing a virtual band's CD (well, not really virtual, since I am actually going to make these but they don't know that). Ive done the whole shebang: cover (the whole little booklet, which includes pictures of the band members), disk design, in lay tray (under the disk) back with the track list, and even those foldy-uppy edges that show up on the sides of the CD case. Its pretty cool, and turned out way better than I had imagined.

 There has been soooo much work put into this, because even though I've known the design I wanted to do fromt he beginning, to complete the folio we need at least ten ideas, each significantly different from eachother, as thumbnails, then to develope three of them. So yeah it was a pain doing all those different designs when I knew which one I wanted from the beginning. It's what I hate about this subject.

But then the end product is what makes me absolutley adore it.

Since I have so much in the one design to show, I've actually got two CD cases and will have one showing the front and back, with the other showing the insides, and then the booklet out separately (obviously I've printed out more than one copy of the cover) so people can look through it. It's gonna be sweet and I sooo want to get into Top Designs, that would be my absolute dream.

It won't get me any marks, but since I actually write songs, and the tracks I listed on the back are all songs I've made, I'm going to see if I can have a CD player with my display and have the CD playing for people to listen to while they look through the display.

Last folio check I had a 21/25 for my folio, which is a good 84%, and A, and the teacher said I could easily get that up to a 25/25. and I need an A to get into Top Designs (along with a good design and finished product obviously) so fingers crossed !

Anyway, those of you who go to my school can look forward to seeing this at the Cre8 festival which I can't remember when it's on and I've totally lost the notice T_T

Oh well, find out when it is and come check out my shiz~ there will also be lots more great stuff there, all from VCaD, Art, Media, Systems and more I think. Gonna be great.

Signing Out,

~Nattoons

________________
"Opened up my failure
When you refused to go insane.
I felt you get excited
When I whispered all the things you love to hate."
-The Used, Artwork

So very nearly..

Well, today is the last official day of school. Last day of any work. starting term 4 will just all be revision, like, 2 or 3 weeks then the 3 weeks that the exams are spread over where we don't even have to come into school unless we have an exam. Gonna be sweet, so looking forward to finishing here. I don't know why everyone says this is the best year of school. It's coming close... no, has been the worst. but anyway.

Tomorrow we do have school, but its performing arts day, which I can't say I'm all that excited for, but I get to muck around with friends and not do any schoolwork. I'll take what I can get. Our house is doing Aladdin, one of my favourite movies evar! Though the script writers have totally butchered the storyline, and they chose the worst song for the group song - A Whole New World. Seriously. Not Prince Ali? We are doing Never Had A Friend Like Me, but it'd just be like the first minute of the song playing and some shitty dance with it. yay.

At least I'm in the band, playing guitar right? Well they decided we play Katie Perry - Teenage Dream. Yeah. Given I normally play lead guitar for heavy metal shiz, some modern pop song with hardly more than three chords is soooo boring T_T ugh I thought I'd actually be able to enjoy performing arts this year now that I'm in the band. But oh well... guess I can't show off my guitar skillz.

As well as that, though, all year 12 boys in our house have to play as the palace guard,

these guys:

I have to bring a black t-shirt so I can cut it into a vest, and - and I quote, "white puffy pants". The closest thing I have is a pair or grey trackies with champion written on one side. I guess they'll have to do.

Well enough ranting I guess, I really should be studying for English right now.

So I guess I'll see you guys later. Figuratively.

Signing out,

~Nattoons

________________

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be Awesome Instead. True Story."

-Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

'Look at this table!'

Ok enough of this depressing shiz. On with things.

When I get out of this godforsaken hellhole called school, ima (hopefully) get into the university I want and do my study on animation/games design. totally what I've been hanging out in this dump of a school for - but once im focusing all my study on what I absolutely love doing, things will hopefully start getting much easier.

So along those lines, I'm going to share with you some plans for one project I have already started working on with a good friend of mine, Dan.

The game is called 'DeX', and is about an astronaut who was sent to the moon on a secret mission and was abandoned there by accident with no way to get home. I've been working on drawing designs for the game as well as a notepad document to scribble down all my ideas about game mechanics, story, and all that. heres the plot -

"1969, man lands on the moon. The Appolo program was finally put into action and the first men walk on the moon, among the team were Niel Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin... and DeX. Parallel to the Apolo program was the Bathurst Project, a top secret mission in which a Team of specially trained astronaughts were sent to the dark side of the moon to explore and recover rare minerals that previous unmanned expeditions had reported. The Bathurst Team returned with a mission success, however, many of the men refused to ever speak of  the mission again, some were even locked away in a mental institution due to "mental instability". Though one man was never heard from again - codename: DeX. What did Dex  find there? The last ever contact from Dex was a static-filled radio signal during the expedition, exclaiming that He had found something very peculiar... Only Dex knows what he saw."

So yeah, it's basically going to eb a first-person-shooter/explorer style game, focusing on exploring the vast (un)emptiness of the moon while eventually getting more action filled as you discover more and more. The basic premise of the game is to collect minerals and get enough to build/repair your shuttle to get back. Though as you go along you discover alien races, civilisations, cities, outposts, mining sites and all that jazz.

The action part of the game looks pretty cool in my head, see, you have this small 'Multi-Tool Attachment Device' which is like a gun without a barell, and there are tons of different attachments to it that are used for different purposes, for example, the Vaccuum Powered Moon-Rock Gun, Moon Mining Apparatus, Gattling Gun and more, as well as alien technology discovered over the course of the game.

One of the main focuses of the game is the mining and minerals you can collect. minerals serve two main purposes: building/repair - certain minerals are used for buildings and repair/upgrades to your weapons, while other minerals are for perks/powerups - they can be attached to the Multi-Tool Attachment Device and then add a certain power to it. All the guns that use ammo then have ammo made from that mineral, which adds different strength, bullet speed, and effects, while other weapons are powered by the mineral and also have different perks added.

Its still waaaay under development, just doing sketches and scribbling ideas onto notepad, but it sounds like a pretty good idea and Dan (who plans to study similarly to me at uni) and I want to eventually make it.

So wish us luck ^_^

Signing out,

~Nattoons

________________

"Your justice is my justice"

-Ueki Kosuke, Law Of Ueki

And then it will be bliss

Only one day left of this week. then one week left. then three days of practice exams, then revision, then exams then... finally, ill be done with this shithole of a place called school. Don't get me wrong, school's... no yeah, it is shit. I'm still waiting to find out why year 12 is apparently "the best year of school" because since year 9 each year has just been worse than the last, and this year's no exception. I just really can't wait until school's done and I'm off to uni, doing what i actually want to do with my life, doing things i hope i can actually enjoy.

And I mean I really can't wait. Every day it's getting harder to pretend nothing's wrong, harder to suck it up and get on with things, harder to keep everything inside. And it's not like i can let it out - close to 3 (4?) years of pretending I'm fine, holding in my sorrow, anger and other things I won't care to mention here, does not permit you to suddenly decide to let it out in small healthy doses. There is no longer such thing as small doses. It's all or nothing, and all does not look good. Looks more like a prison sentence.

Just hopeful, once the stressors of school are behind me and I can focus on my animation and games (as a part of my learning as well as recreation), that things will become even just a little easier.

I started off writing this saying how little there was left of school.. though the more I look at it the longer it feels, it still feels like forever until I'm free, and even then I'll still be in shackles - and once that are hella hard to get rid of. I still maintain it will never be better, since I know myself better than them, yet they still insist on saying things will pick up.

Sure, if things are going badly, you're shattered and feel like nothing can ever work out, yes, you still can be put back together. But when there are pieces missing, peices that were never really there in the first place, its not that simple. In fact its not simple at all. It's hopeless, and having hope just adds to the torment.

I've accepted how broken I am, it doesn't mean I'm not working at it, not getting help, but that I know I wont ever be completely fixed, and there's nothing I can do about that.

No I haven't lost any really close family members, I haven't had my best friend die in my arms, I wasn't abused (physically at least), I haven't been raped. What's wrong is not anything any of you can see, or a sad story I can tell. It's things people never seem to understand, things people think I make up, things no one will see evidence of no matter what I say or how I try to explain. I'm alone in this, no matter how many people are supporting me - Because no one can see, and never really fully understand. I'm not special, some people are worse off than me. I know this. But I also know what I'm going through is real, despite how little you see.

No need to comment. No need to tell me it will be okay. No need to tell me I'm not alone - I know all this. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I love any support i can get.

It just won't help. This is more a vent session for me anyway because I'm really not coping. I'm just ready to give up again.

sorry for the depressing rant,

signing off,

~Nattoons.

__________________

 "There's no such thing as hope, The only thing in this world is despair."

-Nozomu Itoshiki, Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei

Magpies ought to be extinct

I'm a fan of the footy team, not the animal. The damn things keep swooping me on the way to school. One in some park about 2 ks away from home, which because of I have taken to riding on the narrowest of two way roads for a couple of hundred meters. Though that's not too bad. further down at a main intersection, there is one really disgruntled magpie that insists on flying out of its way to swoop me about 5 or 6 times, following me for quite a while down the path, clipping at my ears on every swoop. The other day it actually hit me in the back of the head and if it weren't for my helmet I'd be bleeding. Trust me, I've been hit in the back of the head by a magpie before and its not pretty - felt like a rock the size of my fist and drew some nasty blood. Bleh. should report them to the council and get 'em to get rid of them. Just this morning, when i was riding to school i actually went on the other side of the road, another 50 or so meters away from this damn magpie and it still decides to follow and swoop me, even though I was under the roofs of the shops beside me. 

Anyways, been doing quite a bit to do with music recently, if you haven't noticed by now, I have put up some links to some of my song prototypes, and will be putting up more in the future if they continue to get listens. I play in a church band, which isn't too bad, but we play very low-key songs and mostly acoustic... and since i play lead electric guitar, I find it very dull. But, just the other day I got invited by a friend to start up a band. Again, probably nothing too exciting, since it'd mostly be rap/pop/pop-rock and covers of songs, but oh well, anything to get me writing music and actually playing ^_^ so that will be good.

So yeah, just here a school in the morning writing down my thoughts. nothing that exciting at the moment. I guess I will go continue this post at home.

......

*huff huff* god riding home is annoying. I ride to and from school if you haven't gathered by now, and its about 7ish k's each way, bout 30-40 minutes up and down hills T_T ugh it gets exhausting.

But anyway, so I've been reading this webcomic series for roughly 3-4 years now, and its absolutely BRILLIANT I just have to share it. Its called Least I Could Do, been going since 2003, though I find it was best from 2005, specifically when Las Desouza started as the artist. If you're going to check it out (which I highly reccommend), start from the start, since you will then get a better understanding of a lot of the references made later, and of reccurring events and characters. just remember it gets better from 2005. There's a lot of comics though, so don't go at it half heartedly, since it updates every day since 2003 (though only recently sunday as well)

So yeah, thats it from me I guess,,

Oh, and if any of you know anyone who would be into reading blogs or whatever, don't hesitate to point them in my direction. I'd love the attention and any more readers would be greatly appreciated. Once I have a few more then I'll get into putting up more songs, info about my one-man-band project, reviews and all that jazz.

Signing off,

~Nattoons

________________
"Well... maybe we don't know to go inside when it's cold!"
-Nathan Explosion, Metalocalypse

Medical Emergency

So, these thoughts have just been plagueing my mind as of late: what makes one whole? I have friends, (or at least i hope i do), I have a loving family, albiet a hard time getting that, I have many talents, overall a great life or so ive heard, but i just don't feel complete; happy; fulfilled. Yeah sure, when I did have a girlfriend I was a little happier, but things were rather the same. I find it dangerous to put all your happiness into other too, because if your only happy because your with your girlfriend, or with friends and such, what happens when things go sour between you? I made the mistake of putting all my happiness in my girlfriend, and when that ended, and boy did that end badly, i had nothing left. Because I'd made her my everything.

But even so, I never felt complete. No matter how good a life I seem or appear to have, it just doesn't feel like it. and whats the point of having something great if you can't see it; can't use it? I know I have these loving people in my life, I know I have all this hope with my wonderful God given talents, but I just can't seem to see past the bad, and why should I have these talents if most of the time I can't use them? I get home from a shitty day at school, and the last thing I can think of doing is drawing or playing guitar or writing. (let alone homework T_T) I just can't seem to enjoy these things; find fulfillment in anything; feel whole.

So I guess I ask you, what makes you whole?

Signing off,

~Nattoons
 ________________
"Never make someone your everything, because when they're gone you will have nothing"
-anonymous

The mousse was amazing

Well, I know I'm almost talking to a brick wall here, though I hope in time more poeple will come to view and follow my blog. For now I guess I'll just talk, because, iuno, there's something theraputic about putting thoughts down into writing, even if no one does wnd up reading it.

Evar have one of those days where everything goes well, you have a great time, seem all happy, but as soon as things finish, or all the events are over for the day you just feel... empty? I don't know exactly how to explain it, but I may be having a great time, though I still don't seem.. happy? as soon as the moments over, everything is back to normal, that empty feeling rushes back, or rather, resurfaces - I don't think it ever really goes. But it seems that things only really ever distract me nowdays. As soon as our little family dinner outing is over, I'm back home, at my computer, lonely and sad as ever. Even this here is a distraction, though not much of one now cause I'm talking all about it. Thanks to SJP I discovered this little blog site and started this blog up, though I'm pretty sure only he reads it atm. Oh well, probbaly for the best since all I've really done here is introduce myself, then complain.

It almost seems as though I'm never really happy, that I just have short lived periods of joy. It's nothing that ever lasts. I think you will find if you do decide to follow me over here at ArbitraryPonderings is that I will be very up and down. I will be posting about all sorts of stuff, like reviews for games, movies, songs etc, random things abotu my day, opinions on issues, ut i guess you will have to wade through the occasional rant/vent too. sorry. I'm that kinda guy. I need to get things out somehow, and this site proves a useful avenue for such things.

I guess since not many people read this as of yet, its be a bit of a dead end question, but what would people like to hear from me next?

Reviews? More about myself (to do with my art or music or such)? Opinions on certain issues? just random updates about my life? Tell me what you want to hear.

Signing out, and probably lurking around for a while to come,

~Nattoons

Just to get started...

Okay, how about to get this blog started I tell you a little about myself.

Well, here on the interwebs I go by no other name but Nattoons or MrMahoganies. I love music, drawing, video games and manga and anime. 

I still buy CD's cause I'm cool like that, and I play guitar, have been teaching myself for nearly... 4 years now? I guess I'm alright at it, I like to play what I'm into, and that is Hard rock, Emo/Punk rock, and Metal (progressive, heavy, death). I play Lead guitar most of the time, though I can play rhythm and acoustic. I also have my own bandprojectthing going on, where I write my own songs (lyrics with drums, bass and no less than two guitars) and hopefully want to produce my songs as like a one-man-band sorta thing. I guess in future I can post up some prototypes of my songs here (if that's possible). Anyway, 'nuff about music.

Along the lines of Artistry, I looove drawing, have been doing so for as long as I can remember, and I have come to be, well, decent at it. If you want to check out some of my stuff, head on over to my Deviantart and view my gallery. Got a bit or a range of things up there, from bright and cheery cartoons, to dark and twisted literature. C'mon, check it out.

I do play a lot of video games, you may encounter me on TF2 from time to time if you're on the Australian servers. Beware of any pyro named Nattoons. ^_^ let's see, I also frequent Killing Floor, and occasionally Maple Story of World of Tanks. I guess I'm into the FPS's, but I do love the occasional RPG, and classic N64. I'm a big fan of Valve too, I play Portal, Half-Life series, and oh, MASSIVE POKEMON FAN >.> though i hate gen 4 and 5, they should have stopped creating them after gen 3 and continued making games with the monsters they had. bleh, enough pokeranting.

Lastly in my description of nerdiness, I'm an anime/manga fan, though only recent to that world. I do love classic Dragon Ball, but also collect Full Metal Alchemist, Black Butler, School of Rumble, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and Deathnote. I been crazy 'bout manga since I lived in Japan from end of 2005 - 2006, and love the style and cluture n' all that jazz. gotta love the japanese ^_^

I am currently in Year 12, studying Eng Language, Maths, VCaD, and IT, and already completed 3/4 Psych. Yeah, I'm quite over school right now, but there's not long to go, so i shall just mooch on. I'm totally going to Uni next year, where I will be studying 2D animation, and hopefully get the skills to create my Cartoons and shiz. :D

Anyway, that's all i can really think of about myself right now, and prolly all I want to reveal on the web. But yeah. Follow me if you are interested i guess, I will have more to say. ^_^

Really, I am awesome. My mum said so...

Thanks for tuning in =D

~Nattoons